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Disability Narratives

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Video clip: Asking for help is not always easy, but Liz found it helped to take things step-by-step.

I think being okay with asking for help is the thing that I've struggled with most. And losing - Feeling so vulnerable, because you're so dependent. And that there's many things around this that are really hard, but that's - That's the one that affects work I guess most, is that feeling of, of being dependent, and not wanting to have to ask for help. So, finding it within myself to be okay with that, is one of the things I guess I struggled with most, is. And, and just not knowing yet - you know - I kind of play out these scenarios in my head of, of not being able to return to Egypt to work, and not being able to do my fieldwork, and having to - you know - have a whole new research path, because I can't do the things that I used to do. I used to draw, and I'll never draw again. And so like that loss, I'm still grieving for that loss, so I can't imagine what my research future looks like.

And I guess trying not to freak out about that too much. So, taking things step by step. And I keep telling myself - right now, I'm just getting back to teaching, and that's okay. You know? I don't have to be figuring out my research future right now. Just step by step. And kind of holding back the kind of looking too far into the future, and freaking out because you can't see what the possibilities are. And, and just trying to be like 'right, you know, life is, is strange and complex, and we never end up on the path that we expected anyway'. So, don't project too much into the future, is what I have to tell myself all the time - don't freak out about what it's going to be like five years from now, ten years from now. Just get through tomorrow's teaching [laugh]. And prepare for that. Get things in place for that. And not spiral out. So, but these are hard things to do, I think.