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Disability Narratives

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Video clip: Maria tries to remain positive, but there have been some difficult days.

I wasn't very positive when I was told that I was going to go blind. That really hit me. But when I had the operation, oh it was so amazing when I opened my eyes and I could see the face of the consultant. Oh, that was a miracle. Because I do believe in miracles. That was a miracle. Because they told me you can get blind, and the operation doesn't guarantee that you are not. I took a big risk. But it went okay. But then, when I was registered partially sighted, I couldn't believe it. Again it hit me, and I was feeling the same as I felt so many years ago when I had the operation, before I had the operation. Feeling very negative. And the problem is, you always feel or think 'why me, why me?' Well it has to be somebody, really. And it happens to be me. Then now I'm thinking 'well it happens to be me, then carry on with your life, you know, it doesn't mean that I'm like this every day'.

There are days that I laugh about it, there are days that if I have on obvious accident I get very upset. But if I'm on my own I don't care. But it's like the other day, in my house, Tex was with me in the kitchen. And I put a dish - and I don't know how I moved the hand, and another dish came out and got broken. I got really upset because Tex jumped, and I tried to get him to go back, not to walk on the broken pieces, and he did. But that upset me, for being careless, put it that way. So now, I do things slowly. I put one there, and then come out, and things like that. Because that happens when you're trying to do things as if you're normal. Like if I'm sitting here and there is a glass of water, it's very difficult to see. So I just have to put my hand there until I feel it, and then grab it. That's where I was having accidents. Because if I go and grab it, I missed. And then the glass flies everywhere. So it's not all the time positive.

I was - As I said, I was feeling really down, when I got the stick. Although I had a lovely, lovely lady that, at the end we were very good friends. She tries to cheer me up all the time. And then at the end, she was the one with the eye hospital that contacted the guide dog, then I changed. And I thought 'yeah, I love this'. I didn't like dogs before. I love my dog, I love going out. He's coming with me all the time. I don't have to rely on my husband to take me in the car, or somebody to come out with me because I'm frightened of going out. You know, I just take the dog and go.